Everything I Wish I'd Known About Breastfeeding
Disclaimer (because I have to do it) - obviously, none of this is medical advice or should be taken as such!
Breastfeeding is an unbelievably sensitive topic. If you’re not a mom yet, that may sound over-exaggerated, but it’s just such an intimate, emotional, and tricky process for most women and their new babies. I want to acknowledge that and also preface this post by saying that I am not writing this to invoke feelings of shame for anyone reflecting on their breastfeeding journey. If you desired to formula feed or exclusively pump, you are no less of a mom than any breastfeeding mom for making that choice. If you had to switch to formula or exclusive pumping somewhere along the way, that decision is also in no way reflective of your status as an amazing mom. There is too much mom shaming out there, and that is not my heart behind this post. I know how emotional it is to want to feed your baby the way you want to feed your baby and how difficult it is to make changes within that process.
But I do need to say, I’m writing this specific post for the mom or future mom who desperately wants to breastfeed and wants to do it for as long as possible. So, rather than read these words and inject your own experience between the lines, know that I’m writing this to the woman who is hell-bent on breastfeeding and wants all the tips she can get. That was me, and this was everything I wish I’d known beforehand.
Before I Had Sullivan, This is What I Knew
The majority of my mom friends told me the same thing - breastfeeding is freaking hard. And I can’t lie, it is truly one of the hardest things I’ve ever done, but it’s also one of the biggest blessings and learning experiences I’ve ever been through. It also is not an uphill battle for every woman, so please don’t go into motherhood assuming that your experience is going to have the worst possible outcome. I tried my best to learn what I could beforehand and knew that I wanted to breastfeed exclusively for at least the first year (with some bottles of pumped milk mixed in while I was working).
Why did I want to breastfeed? Simple answer. It is truly the food your body designs for your baby. Breastfeeding is one of the most interesting bodily processes I have ever studied, and I’m a bit of a nerd about all body things, if you didn’t already know. By breastfeeding your baby, your body is able to provide them with the necessary nutrients they need as a brand new newborn and change those nutrients to fit their needs as they grow and develop. Your body is able to pick up on their needs through their saliva and create antibodies to fight infection, change your skin temperature to help regulate your baby’s body temperature, change the amount of milk production your baby needs through skin-to-skin, and foster an incredible bond (mamas can and will bond with their babies, no matter how they are fed, too). In our birth class, we learned that moms have an insatiable desire to kiss their babies all over after being separated from them because your body is actually ingesting those germs they were exposed to in separation to create any potential antibodies to fight infection. Genius, amazing, I think it’s so cool. It’s also way cheaper, and in my opinion, less work than exclusively pumping. I’ll get to that in a bit.
So, just like I decided that I wanted a natural birth, I made the decision to do everything in my power to breastfeed my baby, obviously not knowing the uphill battle we would face. But I was committed, and if you also really want to breastfeed, you have to commit beforehand. Because breastfeeding is such a difficult thing for many women, I highly encourage you to surround yourself with women who support your goals, even if they made a different choice for their baby. Find friends who will cheer you on, no matter how hard the process gets because you’re going to need it.
Our Journey
As I’ve shared about before in my postpartum blog and on Instagram, Sullivan was born with an intense lip and tongue tie. Because of this, Sullivan had an extremely difficult time pulling out any colostrum (the precursor to your breastmilk), and colostrum has to be pulled out to trigger your breastmilk to come in. His feeding difficulties caused my milk to not come in for 11 days (you’re told it will come in during the first 3-5), and it led to multiple lactation consults, craniosacral massage appointments, tongue and lip tie revisions, lots of tears, and feelings of defeat and fear. There were days I worried my milk would never come in, which isn’t something I realized could even be delayed, and there were days I was convinced that I’d have to exclusively pump because his mouth made it so difficult for him to latch.
During that first week, we had to supplement with formula a couple of times because our donor milk bank was out of milk, and I freaked out because I had no idea that he could lose so much weight or that that would even be on the table for us. Donor milk is also ridiculously expensive ($100 for 5 4oz bottles), making it not an option for most people. Thankfully, my support team of experts were always by my side, and my milk did come in after a week of pumping probably 4-5 hours per day, when you add it all up. The first 4-6 weeks were exhausting in every sense of the word; each feed took an hour or more, and we had to breastfeed, bottle feed, wash pump parts, and experience good and bad days. So, all that being said, these are the things I wish I’d known and some of the misconceptions I’ve uncovered throughout the past 6 months.
What I Wish I’d Known
A lot of feeding issues can’t be predicted.
If your child is premature or born with an issue you knew about in-utero, then it’s possible you could foresee some feeding issues. But, if you’re a first time mom with a full-term baby, you probably aren’t thinking you’ll have any problems (and I hope you don’t)! But, if the child has an issue breastfeeding for any reason, or if your child loses weight too quickly, etc., there is a chance you will have to use donor milk or formula to make sure your child is taken care of. Before my next child, I will absolutely have a brand of formula on hand that I am a fan of. We had to rush and buy something, so we purchased Baby’s Only Organic Formula (which is okay), but European brands, such as Holle Goat Milk Formula and HiPP Dutch Formula are brands that I’d rather use because of the ingredients. I encourage you to research this for yourself and make the decision you are comfortable with. Donor milk would still be my first choice, but it’s not always easily attainable, as I learned. So, expect the best, be prepared to pivot.
Wash all of your bottles, and know how to use your pump.
I didn’t plan on introducing bottles for the first month, so 3 days in, when Sully needed food ASAP, my lactation consultant had my mom and Ross sanitizing my pump parts and ripping open the box of bottles to ready them for use. Without the early intervention from my midwives and lactation consultant, I don’t think our breastfeeding relationship would be what it is today. Because of their guidance, we’ve been exclusively breastfeeding for 6 months, with no plans of stopping anytime soon. So definitely, definitely set up a lactation consult with a lactation consultant you trust prior to having your baby and afterward!
Pumping is NOT indicative of your supply.
This is probably the biggest lesson I’ve learned in all of breastfeeding. In our birth class, we learned 2 big things about breastfeeding that stuck out to me: 1. If it is painful, something is wrong. 2. Your milk will come in with more than your baby needs and will regulate around 3ish months to the needs of your baby. And yet, almost every mom I know has wondered if they have a supply problem at some point when they see their milk go down. I’m going to try to summarize what I’ve learned about this topic as best as I can, but I would highly suggest following Aloha Nutrition on Instagram because I am no expert, and she is.
When babies breastfeed exclusively and are not taking a bottle, we really have no idea how much they’re getting at any specific feed, unless we are doing a weighted feed with a lactation consultant. Assuming your baby is growing and gaining weight well, not showing signs of hunger at the end of a feeding, and having the right number of wet/dirty diapers, then you can assume that baby is doing well. Because I had to work backwards and start with primarily bottles before moving to primarily breastfeeding, it was really confusing to know how much to offer Sullivan in a bottle, especially as he began taking more and more milk from the breast. Eventually, he stopped taking the bottle at the end of a feed because he was full!
While it would be easier to exclusively breastfeed with no bottles (in my opinion), many of us don’t have the ability to breastfeed with no bottles of pumped milk because of work and other life events. So, most women, like me, end up giving a bottle at some point, and this is where it gets so tricky. As a new mom, if you search for the correct amount of “ounces” your baby needs per feeding at any given age, you’re going to see a range that may or may not correlate with what you’re pumping. For instance, at Sully’s age of 6 months, most research will tell you he needs 6-8oz per bottle. But, that research doesn’t tell you that that estimate could make no sense for your baby, depending on what else he eats throughout the day and how often he is feeding. If you’re formula feeding, you can measure out the exact number of ounces each time, and same if you’re exclusively pumping. If you’re doing mostly breastfeeding, mixed with pumped bottles, then it’s a guessing game. Sully takes a bottle probably 5x a week right now, and sometimes he drinks 4oz, sometimes 6 or more! But guess what? Sometimes, he takes 6oz in a bottle for Ross, and then I get home and only pump 3oz…so how is my milk supply not “low”?
Well, babies are WAY more efficient at removing milk from the breast than a pump. Babies also can easily overfeed with a bottle because parents want to see them “drain” the whole thing, and they can self regulate at the breast without parental input. Most interestingly, if Sully is getting a bottle of milk from months ago, the caloric distribution and fat content might be totally different than what I’m producing today. That’s right - you can pump roughly the same amount your entire breastfeeding journey, but your milk changes to suit your baby’s nutritional needs. I’m going to link the post that talks about that in depth here.
So, what normally happens when new moms panic and see a “dip” in their milk supply (and obviously things like stress, dehydration, your period returning, mastitis, and other factors can actually decrease supply) is start to pump more and panic more about the number they are or are not seeing, and/or start supplementing with formula. But, supplementing can easily make your supply dip because now your baby is removing less from the breast. It’s such an easy cycle to fall into, which is why it’s SO important to be evaluated by a lactation consultant before jumping to assumptions about what your body needs. You may need to boost your supply, or you may be getting a false sense of your milk production from the pump!
Myths, myths, and more myths
Aloha Nutrition and Taking Cara Babies have talked about a lot of these topics, but just a few that I’ve heard over and over (that are not true) are listed below. I have a pediatrician who knows a ton about breastfeeding and has confirmed all of these, so I’m not just making this up or drawing conclusions from Google and social media without medical input for my baby. So, some common myths:
Adding formula, rice cereal, oats, or solids will make my baby sleep better.
My breastmilk is deficient in different vitamins and/or not “fatty” enough.
A fussy baby is always a hungry baby.
My baby is allergic to my breastmilk (PSA it’s more common for your baby to have a reaction to something you’re eating, but that doesn’t make the average baby allergic to your milk).
My baby should stop eating through the night after x amount of weeks.
Breastmilk doesn’t have as much nutritional benefit after 6 months.
Breastmilk will cause cavities in my baby’s teeth (while you should brush your baby’s teeth, there are many other factors in this).
Whew, that was a really long one, so kudos if your read it all! Like I said in the beginning, none of this should be taken as nutritional or medical advice, I am only writing this to hopefully help out other new moms or moms to be and encourage you to find an amazing lactation consultant to really learn all you can about breastfeeding. Mary with Pikes Peak Lactation truly saved my breastfeeding journey, and I will be forever grateful! If you’re local, please check her out, she is so incredible! Lastly, I want to reiterate that I’m writing this for the mom who is trying to exclusively breastfeed for as long as possible, but however you feed your baby is up to you, and you as the mama will always make the best choice for your baby!