I Pray My Kids Won't be Popular

When I was a preteen, I vividly remember my mom saying that she prayed my sister and I wouldn’t be in the popular crowd. When I interpreted those words at my young age, the statement sounded a little bit harsh. “Thanks, Mom,” I thought, “It would be so much easier to fit in with everyone.” I rolled my eyes, thinking it wouldn’t be a big deal if I was or I wasn’t, I’d still be me. As a nerdy and outspoken middle schooler, I dealt with my fare share of teasing, but I also had wonderful friends. However, when given the choice between popularity and lack thereof, the grass seemed a bit greener on the other side.

Yet, as an adult, I couldn’t be more thankful for my mom’s vision for her children.

If you’re a bit confused by this sentiment, let’s back up. I was taught at a young age to invest in relationships, be kind to all, and seek to understand opinions different than my own. In praying that I wouldn’t be popular, my mom wasn’t praying that I would be disliked or have a tough time navigating social circles. Rather, she was praying that I wouldn’t be easily swayed.

What is popular is rarely right, and it is always easy.

My mom knew a few things about the world that I didn’t at 12 years old. It’s difficult to be popular and stand for your convictions. In fact, it’s difficult to be popular and take a stand on anything at all. Just look at our politicians, celebrities, and public figures. We all know that speaking out on “certain issues” is enough to cause a fall from the headlines, rendering oneself irrelevant. To be well-liked by the masses, you can’t rock the boat. You need to be everyone’s cup of tea. Be willing to side with the majority. Do what feels right - what everyone else is saying is good.

I believe the millennial generation as a whole has an obsession with popularity because we have declared war on being offended.

In our overly connected, overly socialized society, we are more aware than ever before of the opinions, preferences, and social norms of our peers. We are more pressured to give answers that make others feel comfortable, never convicted. Like a pageant girl carefully prepping her interview response, our social media identities are marked by careful and vague 140-character blurbs. And slowly, our off-screen personalities have adapted to fit a similar mold.

It’s an old saying, but you cannot be everyone’s cup of tea, and you need to stop trying to be. Too many parents of my generation failed their children by not letting them know that everyone is not going to like them, everyone probably shouldn’t like them, and other people’s opinions do not measure their worth or direct their steps. The focus on being politically correct in all areas of life is exhausting; you can be respectful of other people without surrendering your own beliefs.

Lastly, I believe our obsession with popularity is marked by our aversion to asking questions.

In the wake of the coronavirus, I now find myself as someone who brings up “controversial” topics on social media, like medical freedom or listening to people not funded by the pharmaceutical industry. It cracks me up because none of these beliefs are new to me; I’ve been listening to holistic medical advice, outside of (and in addition to) allopathic medicine, for my entire life. But that belief is no longer popular because it contradicts the comfy narrative, which makes it offensive, unpopular, and my favorite, “dangerous”. And if I’m wrong, I’m wrong. But at some point, we have to stop and ask ourselves, why do we care so deeply when someone won’t run with the pack? Is it because we’re offended by the information itself, or is it because we have lost the ability to be uncomfortable when someone else doesn’t think like us?

And yet, do you know what happens every. single. day that I post something “controversial”? My inbox is flooded with messages saying, “Thank you.”

“I had the same question.”

“I feel the same way.”

“I agree, but I was nervous to speak up.”

In grade school, I was always the kid with a question, driving many of my teachers crazy. But as I learned early on, if you have a question about something, you are never the only one. Most people are just too afraid to ask because they’re afraid to make a mistake, look stupid, or, worst of all, be disliked.

I’m not advocating that you throw your middle finger up to the world and only listen to people who confirm your bias on any given topic. Other people should be allowed to speak into your life and challenge you - ones who have relational equity with you and live a life that you want to emulate. But the masses? Heck no.

So, yes, I absolutely pray my children won’t be popular. Instead, I pray they’ll be strong enough to ask the hard questions and live unafraid of being different. I pray they will be humble enough to listen and change their stance when confronted with new information. I pray they will be kind to all but unwavering in their convictions, whether or not those convictions make everyone else comfortable.

PS. The Undoing by Steffany Gretzinger is one of my favorite albums, and the lyrics to her song, “I Spoke Up” are a perfect anthem for this post. I highly encourage you to give it a listen, but the lyrics say:

Every knows that
I was the good girl
I did my best to
Make everyone happy with me
Then I found out that
It was impossible to please
The whole crowd

So I spoke up and I spoke out
I learned that love don't hold its tongue
And passion doesn't bow to what they think
It's You and me
Sometimes it's painful to be brave
To look fear in the face and know your name
To find your strength