Sullivan Wilder's Birth Story

I’ve always loved reading birth stories because each woman has such a different and beautiful experience. It’s been just over a week since our son, Sullivan Wilder Hill, was born, and it’s important to me to capture his story while it’s fresh in my mind. I’ll start by saying that so many things took me by surprise during my labor and birth, and I hope that sharing an honest look at a natural birth is helpful to those who want to experience a similar miracle.

Additionally, I think the most important thing to know about this entire story is that choosing your care providers will determine so much about the way your birth story plays out. When I decided that I wanted a natural birth (drug and intervention free), I researched, interviewed, and chose Beginnings Birth Center in town because I knew it would give me the highest level of care and education, while supporting my goals. Choosing a doula (Sarah Norris is the best) also set us up for success, as you’ll see when I tell the story. If you’re not local to COS, I hope that you’ll find the best providers in your community to make sure your birth is what you hope it to be (curveballs included).

Sullivan’s entrance to the world began on January 15, 2020. I was 2 days past my due date, tired, uncomfortable, and eager to have my baby. The day before, I had gone to my 40 week appointment at the birth center, and one of our midwives had suggested that we go to acupuncture, as it can be a natural way to get labor going (there are no guarantees, but also no risk to you and your baby). The birth center is run by CNMs (certified nurse midwives), and it services low-risk women who are seeking to have a natural birth. That means there are no pain relieving drugs on site; that’s right, no epidurals.

To prepare you for birth, BBC requires first time moms to take a comprehensive education course (our class was 8 weeks long, 2.5 hours per class), and hire a doula, a non medical professional who serves as a birth coach and support during labor. EVERYONE should birth with a doula, in my opinion, because we literally could not have done it without her! The birth center is fully equipped to handle everything for a natural birth, including some emergency situations, and there is a hospital a mile away in the event of a true need to transfer. Their transfer rate for emergencies and C-sections is incredibly low, in comparison to the 30-40% C-section average you would see in a hospital. Birth is a normal process, something we have forgotten in our country, and the more you research, the more you realize how far we have strayed from a model of care that doesn’t treat birth like a medical problem. I give you all this background to say that we were extremely well prepared, in very capable hands, and knew that there was no “rush” to get the baby out. The average first time mom will deliver her baby at 40 weeks and 5 days, and the state of Colorado doesn’t require an induction until 42 weeks.

So, on Tuesday the 14th, my mom and I went to acupuncture at Springs Community Acupuncture. It was my first time ever receiving acupuncture, and it was awesome and so relaxing. Our acupuncturist told me to come back the next day if my labor hadn’t started, which I thought was kind of cool. Nothing happened that night or the next morning, and so we made an appointment for 3:00 pm on Wednesday, January 15. I knew acupuncture wasn’t going to force my body if it wasn’t ready, I was just hoping it would encourage it along, as so many people I know said they believe it triggered their labor. Ironically, as we were walking in to the appointment on Wednesday, I felt what I thought might be my first “real” contractions. Towards the end of pregnancy, you get a lot of Braxton Hicks contractions, or false contractions, where your stomach tightens and contracts, but it’s not necessarily painful. Real contractions feel more like a period cramp mixed with this tightening, and they have a wave to them, so they actually have a rise, a peak, and a fall. But still, I wasn’t too sure what I was feeling.

During the 45 minutes of acupuncture, I definitely felt about 5 more contractions and was curious, but not too uncomfortable. I told my mom when we got into the car, and we drove home to make dinner with Ross. As we started cooking, I began to experience more of a consistent cramping sensation, and I found myself breathing a little funny during the moments of intensity. Then, I went to the bathroom, and my mucus plug/bloody show fell out in the toilet (it’s going to get a lot more graphic than this, so if you’re squeamish, be advised). Now, when your mucus plug falls out, it can mean labor is in motion, or it can mean labor will start in a few hours, days, or even weeks. But, since I was already contracting, I was pretty sure that my body was experiencing some cervical changes because I continued to bleed a little bit throughout the next few hours…and days…of labor.

When my mucus plug fell out, I immediately texted my doula, Sarah, and my midwives to let them know. At the birth center, you don’t go into the facility until you are in active labor, and Sarah would come to my house before that, so we all knew we were far off from the big show (we just didn’t realize how far off). In all of our birth classes, we were taught to ignore early labor, and I planned to do just that. I ate dinner, watched TV, and went to bed around 9 something.

As Ross and I went to sleep, my contractions began to really pick up. I started to have to breathe heavily through every one, and over the course of a couple hours, I was even vocalizing (this basically means I was making low, weird noises that really help in a natural labor, but also make you sound like a cow. Just being honest). The most surprising thing was that I began shaking like crazy in every contraction, to the point that it woke Ross up. I found out later that it’s actually really normal to shake, as it’s a hormonal reaction, but it doesn’t happen to everyone. When Ross woke up with me around midnight, he was pretty startled by how intense I was acting, and he started timing my contractions. For an hour, my contractions followed the 5-1-1 rule (5 minutes apart, lasting 1 minute long, for at least 1 hour), which was a signal to us to call our doula. This time pattern is a signal of active labor, and we were honestly both a little bit weirded out about how fast things seemed to be moving.

Sarah listened to a few of my contractions on the phone, heard the nerves in Ross’s voice, and said she’d be over in a half hour. Ross was honestly the best support and very calm throughout all of labor, but the pace of things at this point made him feel like we needed help, understandably so. At this point, we woke my mom up, went into the kitchen to make coffee, and I labored uncomfortably on my birth ball. When Sarah arrived, she took over and began massaging my back during contractions, applying counter pressure to help with the pain, and put on the TENS unit, which was my best friend during all of labor. It’s basically 4 little pads that attach to your back and give electrical signals and vibrations into your back, but you can intensify it as the contraction picks up, which helped distract me when things were rough. We went downstairs and turned on Father of the Bride 2 (my mom’s favorite movie, which is also about having babies), and Sarah continued to observe my labor pattern. She helped me alternate positions, get in the shower, and eventually suggested that we start walking up and down the stairs. I learned after the fact that she was trying to see if my labor was going to keep picking up because the contractions started to space out between 2:00 am - 4:00 am. When they continued to slow, she suggested we try to get some rest, and I was so exhausted that I complied. We managed to sleep intermittently from 4:00 am - 9:00 am, and Sarah slept on my floor to keep an eye on me.

I woke up at 9:00 am feeling oddly normal, and my contractions had really died off. As we went into the kitchen to find my mom, Sarah explained that I was having what’s called prodromal labor. Now, I had heard of prodromal labor, as it is real labor, but it tapers off and is inconsistent. Sarah explained that contractions usually pick way up at night, and I could be pregnant for several more days…or even a week. Trust me, that is not what you want to hear after a night of shaking, sweating, and being in real labor pains, but there was nothing I could do about it. Additionally, everyone who has prodromal labor experiences something different. Some people don’t have crazy hard contractions, so they are able to walk, go to a movie, ignore it, etc. My prodromal labor was extra fun because it was really intense basically the whole time, with no let-up at night. Sarah went home, and mom, who also had a 60 hour labor with my older sister, sympathized with me.

It’s important to point out here that prodromal labor is pretty common, but we don’t hear about it often because most people have a hospital birth. When birth “stalls” in a hospital, it’s normal to be given Pitocin to speed contractions back up and keep things moving. But ideally, you really want to honor what your body is doing and let it be. So, all day Thursday, things were relatively calm. I had contractions sporadically, probably 15 or 30 minutes apart, and I was able to eat some food and sleep for a couple of hours in the afternoon. On the inside, I was dreading the coming evening because I felt like things were going to ramp up again, and I was right. I tried to go to bed around 9:00 pm, but sure enough, my contractions began to go haywire. I didn’t want to wake up Ross or my mom, since everyone was exhausted, and I wasn’t about to call Sarah again, unless I knew it was the real thing. So between 9:00 pm - 2:00 am, I labored alone and was not handling it well. I stuffed my face into my birth pillow and flipped side to side, I got onto my birth ball and leaned over the edge of the bed, and I began to time contractions. Finally, I woke Ross up at 2 because I was losing it, and this was the only point of labor where I cried because I just felt so out of control. My body kept shaking, the pain was legit, and I felt like we were getting nowhere, which is so frustrating when you just want your body to perform.

I got in the shower, asked Ross to walk up and down the stairs with me, and had a snack. I basically lived on Honey Stinger Chews, which I had used when I ran my half marathon years ago, coconut water, nut butter toast, red raspberry tea, and anything else small that I could stomach during the days of labor. After about 2 hours, my labor again was slowing down, and I was wiped. We laid back down, Ross conked out, and I unfortunately remained awake because, unlike the night before, my contractions didn’t die off enough for me to relax. This was the “halfway” point in hindsight, but definitely the most brutal. Many people asked me if I regretted the natural labor decision at any point or wanted the drugs, and I’ll say that honestly, no, I didn’t. I was very confident in our decision and truly desired a natural birth, but I was pretty sad and defeated, too. I felt like my baby was never going to come out, and exhaustion + hormones + pain is never a great combo. The light at the end of the tunnel seemed really far away, but I also didn’t want to express defeat because I knew I needed to stay as calm as I could.

Friday was a mess. I laid on the couch literally all day watching Gilmore Girls with my mom, and my contractions were consistently every 10 minutes, then every 7, every 5 etc. as the day progressed. Every time one started coming on, I had to move from laying on my side to all fours, press my head into the pillow, have Ross or mom press on my back and hips, and breathe/vocalize through it. The TENS unit stayed on my body constantly, unless I got into the shower or bath. One thing that really surprised me about my mental state during labor was my inability to see the end goal or connect with my baby. I had felt so connected with Sully all throughout pregnancy, and I thought I would be so motivated and excited throughout labor, as I knew that each contraction would get me a step closer to meeting him. But as the hours dragged on, I just felt lost in my own head. We were staying in touch with the midwives and Sarah, updating them on the pace of labor, and letting them know that we still felt baby moving. Around 4:00 pm, Ross and mom began timing again because I was really having a hard time getting through things. Contractions were ramping up at an earlier time than the 2 nights before, and we were hitting that 5-1-1 mark, honestly closer to 3-1-1, so we called Sarah to return. It was game-time, we were pretty sure…until I got in the bathtub.

Sarah arrived around 5:00 pm, and I had just gotten out of the bath. Just like in the prior nights, the warm water had weirdly caused my contractions to slow, which Sarah told us wouldn’t happen if I really was heading into active labor. I began to stress and worry that I was too much in my head and somehow causing things to slow down because I felt bad for everyone tending for me. It was clear that I was in much harder labor on Friday night than the previous evenings, but after watching me for about 3 hours, Sarah told us it still wasn’t time to have the baby. Mom and Ross were eating Indian food, and I was trying to pick at the plain rice, in-between leaning over the counter in pain every few minutes. Sarah conferred with Jolene, our midwife on call who started the birth center, and both agreed that I needed to take a sleeping aid to knock me out. I hate taking medicine of any kind, but I was desperate, and they were desperate for me to rest. Ross went to Walgreens, got me a Unisom, and I took it reluctantly. I felt myself begin to get drowsy on the couch, the birth team tucked me in, and Sarah went home.

Now, because I rarely take medicine, I never know how my body is going to react. It seemed to stall the contractions a bit more and dull the pain, but even though it was 9:00 pm and I was running on 0 sleep, I still couldn’t relax. The pain was dulled but the shaking that plagued my body would not let up, so I was unable to sleep…again. The shaking got worse and worse and worse, to the point that I was grabbing at sleeping Ross during the contractions and probably praying more than I prayed any other time in labor. I could not believe that we were on day 3 of this nonsense, and I was truly doubtful that I would ever sleep again.

And then, at 1:15 am on Saturday 1/18/20, my water literally exploded and broke all over my bed!!!

Plenty of people have described water breaking to me as “feeling like you peed yourself” or “a trickle”. NO. No. It felt like a giant balloon inside my body popped and went everywhere! I shot out of bed and said the obvious, “ROSS MY WATER JUST BROKE!” which got his attention. They also don’t tell you that the water feels…slimy…which made me immediately strip down and get in the shower. Ross texted Sarah and Jolene, and my contractions began to hit hard. It’s not that they were necessarily more painful than all the ones before, but they were hitting about every 2 minutes and lasting a minute to a minute and a half. I began to feel intense pressure, and I was really shaky and actually scared at this point. It’s funny because I knew everything was normal, but I was just so physically fatigued, and it felt like labor had truly taken over. By the time Sarah arrived (around 2:00 am), my eyes were squeezed shut, and she, Ross, and my mom were rubbing my back with essential oils and doing their best to keep me comfortable during each wave. I remember saying that I was worried I was going to have the baby at home, even though they assured me we had time, and I was pretty overwhelmed by the frequency of each contraction. After what felt like forever (but was really just an hour and a half), Sarah made the call to head to the Birth Center, and I waddled out in my sweats and slippers.

The car ride was pretty hellish. I was on my knees hanging over the back of the backseat, as my mom rubbed my back, and I knew it killed her inside that I didn’t have my seatbelt on. Even though we only live 15 minutes from BBC, I couldn’t open my eyes for fear that we still were not there. We arrived sometime just before 4:00 am, and I walked in to see Jolene (midwife) and Meredith (nurse) waiting for me in our birth room. I was the only one giving birth that morning, so I got my first choice of room, even though all of them are great. The giant birth tub was full of warm water, and I immediately stripped down and got in. Now, we had totally failed to call Ashlee to do my birth photography (she did all my after-birth photos you see) because I was worried it wasn’t really going to happen that night. I also had lost all modesty at this point and just wanted to be comfortable, so completely naked was the way to go. In the tub, I went through what’s called transition for the next 2 hours or so, and that’s where your body goes through the final stages of dilating and dropping the baby down before you push. It’s known to be the hardest phase of labor, and most of the time, it’s about 20 minutes to an hour. Mine was longer, which was intense, to say the least. I had made a playlist of worship music for labor that was playing in the room, and that helped calm me down, except that it only lasted about 30-40 minutes, so we listened to it on a loop at least 3 times.

Transition basically feels like the toughest contractions, followed by the pressure of the baby slamming (that’s how it felt to me) down as low as possible. For most of the tub experience, I was convinced labor would never end, and the most “helpful” position was to hang my upper body over this cloth sling that Jolene hung from the ceiling, while my belly and lower body stayed in the tub on my knees. In my head, I could have been in there 15 minutes or 50 hours, I was literally just in it at this point and trying to live through each contraction. Everyone around me was so calm and supportive, allowing me to squeeze their hands or rest on them however possible. Jolene listened to the baby’s heart rate every few contractions with the doppler and assured me that he sounded great. At one point, Jolene told me she was going to give me a few pills before we started pushing to help avoid hemorrhaging because I’d been contracting for so long, and she also told me that, if I didn’t feel the urge to push in 2 more contractions, we were going to go do toilet labor.

As funny as that sounds, laboring on the toilet is one of the best ways to help the baby come down, but man it huuuurts, so I didn’t want to do that. I could barely respond besides to say, “okay”, but I was really hoping we didn’t go there. Jolene is the most calming presence and constantly in control of the situation, and she could sense that I was so fatigued, so she decided to change positions. Since I wasn’t pushing unprompted, they got me out and told me to lie on the queen bed in the room, so they could check me out. I ended up staying in this position, flat on my back, throughout pushing and delivery, which is ironic because it’s not the easiest position to birth in, but it worked for me. Jolene checked everything and said, “The baby is right here,” and they were able to show me a tiny bit of his head in a mirror. I always thought I would love the mirror and feel so motivated, but I again just needed to close my eyes and get in the zone. For the next hour, I pushed and pushed, and to save you the more graphic details, I will just tell you a few things that surprised me about pushing. First, I didn’t feel a ridiculous desire to push, I kind of had to be shown by my midwife where to channel the energy and how to hold my breath through it. Second, pushing is a totally different kind of pain and intensity than labor. In some ways, it actually felt way better than the contractions because I was “doing” something, and in other ways, it was harder. Seriously, my whole body was sweating, and I kept leaning my head into Ross’s shoulder in between pushes and asking, “What is happening?” He and Sarah each held one leg, and I had my mom video the whole thing from the opposite side because I’m that girl that wanted to rewatch it later (I’m super glad I did this, weird as it sounds, it was SO cool).

It took about 30 minutes to get his head totally into the birth canal and out from under my pubic bone, and then I was instructed to do “little pushes” to minimize tearing and move his head out slowly. I remember Jolene saying, “The pressure is going to feel impossible, but it’s not,” and I clung to that as everyone encouraged me with the pushes. I was wiped out and truly didn’t feel like we were getting anywhere, even when they kept asking me if I wanted to see in the mirror and/or touch his head. I felt like I couldn’t do it or acknowledge that he was close, I just needed to keep pushing! Finally his head came out (woah), and it took a few more minutes before the rest of his body came out. That was wild because I guess I expected him to just slip on out with his head, but it was 2 fully separate pushes. Ross watched the whole thing, and his face on the video is actually my favorite part because you can tell he was equal parts excited and shocked by how big this baby coming out of my body was. Finally, at 6:53 am, after 64 hours of labor, Sullivan Wilder Hill slid into the world at a whopping 8 lbs, 7 oz, 20.5 inches long. It was undoubtedly the hardest thing I’ve ever done and greatest moment I’ve ever experienced. I immediately began sobbing because I was so thankful to be through it and so truly amazed that my baby was inches away, and I could see him. I know everyone says it, but it’s a feeling I will never ever ever forget.

He was born with his cord nicely coiled around his chest, and as soon as it was unwrapped, he began crying loudly, which is just the best sound to hear your baby’s lungs working well. I reached down to grab him and just kept crying and rubbing his very cone shaped head. Nothing compares to that moment, and truly none of the hard work that it took to get him there felt wasted once I had him in my arms. From then on out, the experience was so peaceful. Jolene finished delivering the placenta and pressing on my stomach to get any clots out (uncomfortable, but who cares after birth). She sewed up the tear I had, cleaned everything, and bagged the placenta because we delayed cord clamping for a few hours, so he remained attached. They baked me bread, fed me applesauce, and let us be with our baby for the next few hours before doing his weight check and newborn exam. We learned how to breastfeed, stared at our baby, and just felt the inexplicable joy of meeting our child.

5 hours after delivery, we left to go home, which is normal at the Birth Center. We came back the next day for an appointment, and Sully is under their care for the first 2 weeks after birth, so we’ve been checked and assessed multiple times since then. Even on the car ride home, we were all in agreement that it was truly the most beautiful, albeit long, and supportive experience. There were moments of fear and doubt on my end, but my birth team never wavered and never allowed me to panic. And at the end, I went home with the greatest gift I’ve ever received. The first 10 days have been a whirlwind, which is a different post for a different time, but I truly believe my birth was beautiful, and I’d do it again 100 times over to get Sully at the end of it all.